


Cold Horrid Certainty

by SolemnSilence170



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Explicit Sexual Content, Homicide, M/M, Mental Instability, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 04:38:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4990531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolemnSilence170/pseuds/SolemnSilence170
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris moves to the city for a job opportunity too good to pass up and ends up running into (quite literally) someone that could lead to his complete and utter downfall. His morals will be put into question when he discovers what has really been going on behind the scenes. Until Dawn AU. Climbing Class.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hallucination

**Author's Note:**

> This is a headcanon from the lovely originalandcreativeurl on Tumblr! Thank you for giving me the okay to go forward with this! If you're enjoying the progression of the story, leave me a comment :) All the warnings are above. Chapter title from Amarante.

[Chris’ POV]

Moving day came during the beginning of October for me. It was hard saying goodbye to the campus I had called home for all these years, but I was finally a college graduate and going places with my teacher’s degree. Manhattan, more specifically. 

It had always been my dream to create my own phone apps, but I was always a little intimidated by all of those big names out there, so for the time being I decided the next best thing was to learn enough about technology to teach a class on it. And that’s exactly what I tried for. I got high grades in all of my college classes and eventually enough professors mentioned my name enough for a prestigious high school out in New York to take an interest. I flew all the way over there for an interview and several days later I got the happy news. I’d be teaching a Computers class across the country.

Packing everything up for moving day was a motherfucker. I managed to procrastinate all the way up until the week before the big move (Fallout 4 was coming out soon! I couldn’t miss out on all the hype!), so I had to spend quite a few sleepless nights deciding on whether or not I should bring all of my chipped plates and cups or just the essentials. No matter what the fading Darth Vader cup was coming with.

But finally, after effectively stressing out the moving company’s workers and myself, I was on the plane ride from Oregon to the Big Apple. Admittingly, I was a little nervous about how I’d adapt to all the crowds and bustling city life. When you’ve lived on a small little dot in the forgotten creases on a map, it’s hard to adjust to a change like that. But the job and the pay were too promising to pass up, and the street I was on was far enough out of the way for me to feel semi-comfortable. 

I fell asleep on the plane easily enough, but when I awoke, I realized I had been slumped onto the shoulder of an elderly woman, passed out and drooling all over her perfumed blouse. It was a very long, awkward plane ride that I’d rather not dwell on for too long. 

When the plane landed, I got out, had a sandwich in the airport’s deli store, and stepped out in search of a taxi. All my other stuff was supposed to be delivered in front of my apartment complex, so I took my carry on bag and called for a taxi.

The address was about thirty minutes away from the airport, and by the time we got there I was starting to nod off by the time we arrived thanks to the long flight here. I looked up and surveyed the building I’d be living in from now on. Truth be told, it’s seen better days. The paint job was pretty rachet and long graying strips peeled and curled ominously. It was only about four floors tall and the rickety double doors seemed really out of place on the exterior. Nonetheless, I walked over to the moving van parked out front, feeling somewhat better about my new life here. 

The movers lugged in my stuff after I informed them which apartment number was mine. Apartment number 403. That was my new home from now on. 

After all the boxes were brought up to my room, I tipped the movers and they left. I scanned the room. An old fashioned heater was pressed up underneath my only window. A small scummy refrigerator sat in the kitchen along with a food-stained stove, an out-dated microwave, and a questionable sink. The carpet was stained and smelled like cigarettes. There were no chairs, tables, or couch, but in a small separate side-room there was a futon (assumingly for sleeping) and a night stand. Overall, the place was pretty bleak, and if I had known there would be so little furniture, I would have brought more with me. But it was home, and I was perfectly okay with that. I let out a long tired sigh and began unpacking my boxed belongings. 

After I managed to unpack mostly everything (I had brought far less than I had originally thought), I checked my phone. There was one unread message from my mom that I should probably of answered hours ago. I opened the message and read: “How is your new place, honey? Do you have a good view of the city? Are the people there rude? Your father and I love you. Please stay safe!”

I couldn’t help a small grin from spreading across my face. My mom was so concerned about the city life here, not that I could blame her much. New York was a pretty from change from Bend. I looked out my window and responded: “It’s a little empty here, but it has a certain charm that I like. I have a pretty decent view of a couple of bigger buildings off in the distance. I haven’t really talked to any of the people here yet, but everyone seems to mostly mind their own business. I love you guys too, Mom.”

The cigarette smell was starting to make my eyes water, so I decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood for some fresh air. There was a used electronic store I spent a lot of time in but aside from that, the area was mostly made up of housing units and buildings up for lease. But throughout my entire walk, I couldn’t help feeling that there was someone watching me. It was unsettling and made the hairs on my neck stand up, but in the back of my head I knew it was probably a feeling I’d soon get used to. You probably always felt like you were being watched in a city like this. I was just getting used to my new environment.

But despite knowing that, that night I had a hard time falling asleep on my lumpy futon. It was probably just the cigarette smell. I tossed and turned, rolling my new job requirements and the directions to the high school through my head. I had weird, dark dreams that I couldn’t recall the following morning, and left with a bagel and a bad feeling.

The school itself was pretty impressive. It was a private establishment that looked like it was built a century ago. It was well kept and beautiful despite the overall lack of green grass and an actual courtyard. I found the main building easily enough and the woman at the front desk directed me to my new classroom. It was small and simple, filled with rows of well-kept computers, and it had a great view of the rest of the school with long windows that let in a lot of light.

I let out a deep sigh and looked across the room at a large wall clock. It was really early, and school would start tomorrow for the students. This was the only day I had to settle in and make the place really my own. I settled down into my desk’s rolly chair and waited for the principal to come in and check on me. A couple minutes later, there was a resounding knock on the door and the man in question stepped in. His name was Michael Munroe. He had dark hair complete with a five o'clock shadow, a strong nose, and a grin that made him look like a typical college jock. He strode across the room in a blue suit and tie, and I stood to greet him.

“Chris! Good to see you. As punctual as ever, it seems!” He stuck out his hand and I grasped it. I didn’t forget his firm grip.

“That’s right. Wouldn’t want to be late for my first day at work, now would I?” I laughed as we shook hands. Mike and I got on pretty well the first time we had met for my interview. He seemed like a pretty stand-up guy and we shared a mutual level of respect despite our different slots on the job hierarchy. 

“Are you settling in well?” Mike asked, his trademark grin painted across his face. “The Big Apple’s a lot to get used to, I know.”

“I’d say I am. It’ll be nice once I get everything in its proper place and out of those god-awful boxes.” 

“Well, I’ll give you the syllabus’ or your classes. Your schedule’s in the top drawer along with a map of the campus. It’s not extremely big here, but it’s nice to know where everything is beforehand. It’d be nice if you had some more time to adjust, but I understand that you weren’t able to move here any sooner. We’ll make it work.” He clapped my shoulder in reassurance. “If you have any questions, come to my office in the main building later. Oh, and there’s a provided lunch in the teacher’s lounge if you’re interested in that. I have some paperwork to finish before this year’s freshmen get over here for orientation.” And with that, he left me to my own devices with a parting wave.

I had brought some posters, some personal knick-knacks for my desk, and other stuff with me in advance, so I spent the next couple hours setting everything up for tomorrow’s class. I wanted to make a good impression on the kids, so admittingly I put a little too much mind in how far apart my Star Trek snowglobe and Fallout bobbleheads were. I glanced over my schedule and pocketed it. I worked from 7:00 to 3:30 with a forty-five minute lunch break at 11. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was already 10:56. I looked at the map and located the teacher’s lounge, deciding that lunch was something I couldn’t skip today. 

I turned down some hallways before I found the lounge. Inside, there were several vending machines, a fridge, a coffee maker, a small sink, and several tables and chairs. Overall a pretty typical staff room. Two women were already sitting at one of the tables. One of the women had long red hair and green eyes. She had a ‘cute’ look about her and was wearing a mossy green long sleeve shirt. The other woman had darker mid-length hair and was wearing a short professional dress with heels. She had a mole right above her eyebrow and wore a dark charcoal eyeliner. 

Already feeling like a complete third wheel, I shuffled awkwardly into the room, deciding that I’d make a show of distracting myself by looking through the fridge. Before I could reach it, however, the woman with the eyeliner addressed me.

“You must be the new guy. Chris, was it?” 

A flare of panic resounded through my chest and I abandoned the fridge to turn and give them a polite smile-and-wave. Oh God. I’m so bad at talking to new people. I’m going to say something inappropriate and then they’ll know how big of a doofus their new co-worker is. I’ll be like that ridiculous older brother in iCarly. Not that I’ve ever watched iCarly on my own free will, but I’ll be him and then-

“I’m Emily, by the way. And this is Ashley.” Eyeliner Woman interrupted my downward spiral of social anxiety.

“Oh, Chris. Is. Is me. Nice to uh, meet you.” I stuttered, hating myself with every word. It wasn’t my fault the redhead was kinda cute.

They giggled to themselves before Emily spoke again. “You’re the new Computer Tech teacher, right? Ashley here is the Online Journalism teacher. I’m Mike’s receptionist. I swear to GOD he is such an infant at his job. That guy would be in some serious hot water if it weren’t for me double-checking our finances on every little thing!”

“...I’ll probably be seeing you a lot in the future, Chris. Since my students sometimes shoot and upload videos on the school website. So I might send some of them over in the future needing some help with the more technical stuff.” Ashley said, looking over at Emily and smirking in a strange, inside-jokey way. I opened the fridge and grabbed the first thing that I saw. Some sort of wrapped sandwich.

“Okay, cool. Is there, uh. Any coffee left in the pot?” I asked, looking over at the coffee pot. Why was it so hard to talk to these two? Girls made me feel uncomfortable.

“I think there’s some left.” Ashley informed me, her smile sticking to her face. So it was like that, huh?

I grabbed a cup and poured myself some. “Any pro tips for a new teacher?”

“Don’t let them intimidate you. At the end of the day, they’re just a bunch of snot-nosed kids. Don’t try too hard to impress anybody and don’t condemn anyone for asking something kind of basic. I wish somebody had told me that when I first started teaching.” Ashley grumbled, twirling a spoon in her cup of yogurt. “Just be yourself and be helpful and you’ll get on just fine.”

“Unless you end up making a big fool of yourself and ruining your reputation before they even know your name. Because that destroy whatever chance you had here alright.” Emily cut it with a scoff. “High schoolers may not be as bad as middle schoolers, but they’ll still rip you a new one if they find a weak spot.”

“Umm… Thanks.” I coughed, deciding it would be rude if I didn’t head over to sit with them. After I was seated I asked, “How long have you two been working here?”

“Oh, not very long.” Ashley responded. “Two years now.”

“I’ve been here for four. I know what I’m talking about at this point.” Emily laughed, stabbing at her salad with a plastic fork. 

I kept up a conversation with them until we were all finished eating. It was a little to polite and awkward for my taste, but Ash was nice and Emily was almost endearingly rude, so it was alright. The rest of the day passed by slower than I expected it to, mostly running around locating stuff for my classes. There was a mini fiasco with not enough syllabuses being printed out, but I managed to resolve that in under an hour. I was just getting ready to head home when suddenly there was another knock on my door.

“Hey man. You ready for school tomorrow?” Mike asked, coming in and leaning up against a counter.

“I guess we’ll see.” I laughed, throwing my papers on tomorrow’s lesson I typed up a couple hours ago in my briefcase. 

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine! Kick back, go over your lesson again, and drink a couple beers. At the very least, you’ll be better than any one of our math teachers.” Mike chuckled, tossing a stapler in the air and catching it. I wasn’t really sure what to make of him. He seemed like a really good-natured guy, but he was pretty young to be a principal. He acted more like a frat boy than a boss.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I grinned, slipping on my jacket and heading out the door with him.

“Have you been getting along with the staff so far?” Mike asked, holding open the door for me. 

“Yeah, they seem pretty chill. I’ve only met Ash and Emily, though.” 

“Oh yeah. Those two are something alright.” Mike snickered. A moment passed before he spoke again. “You know, I’m not all anal about coworker relationships. If you see a hot piece of ass, I say to go for it! The worst that could happen is just some awkward ‘we-slept-together-and-now-we-have-to-pretend-we-didn’t’ bullshit. No biggie.”

How do I even respond to that? “Um. I’ll keep that in mind, then.”

“Alright! Good talk, man.” Mike clapped me on the shoulder and left. Now I really didn’t know what to make of him. I believed Emily when she said she was running this place financially.

I stopped by a Starbucks on the way home. Since I was just carrying a latte and my briefcase, I decided that this time I’d try going up the stairs instead of the elevator. I realized when I climbed up to my floor that the door was meant to be pulled towards you and weren’t able to push outwards. I struggled trying to get around the door and by the time I was nearly home-free, I felt something ram into me and knock me down on the ground. If it wasn’t for the extra space installed before the next set of stairs started, I would have fallen down a flight of stairs with my latte. Feeling the scalding stains of coffee through one of my nicest shirts, I looked up in irritation at my assailant. 

He looked like a pretty shifty guy, in all honesty. He was wearing a dark hoodie and their were heavy bags under his eyes. His skin was a darker shade (what nationality was he even? It was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t place it) and had a strong square jawline. But despite his rather sketchy entrance, I couldn’t help but think that he looked like a pretty decent guy. I should know better than to write someone off right away.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” He said, kneeling down to grab my papers for me. Apparently my briefcase explodes on impact. Good to know. “I really should’ve been watching where I was going. This is all my fault.”

“No, it’s fine! I should’ve taken the elevator.” I laughed. “I’m new here, so I figured I should get the full experience and try taking the stairs for once.”

“Well, this definitely counts as the ‘full experience’.” He snickered. “Welcome to the neighborhood, I guess. Ah, geez. Your shirt is trashed. I’m really sorry about that.”

“No big deal. I’ve got plenty better shirts lying around my place already.” Lies. But he didn’t need to know that.

“Well, let me at least walk you to your door.” He offered.

“If you insist. I’m Chris, by the way.” I offered my hand that had been holding the latte.

“Josh.” We shook hands. “So, what made you want to move in here, Chris?”

“Ah, well. I just graduated from college and was offered a job over at Green Park High. It seemed like a good change of pace, so I took it up.” I explained, leading him back to my door. “This is it.”

“Woah. You live right across from me.” Josh grinned. There was something really intense about the way he was looking at me, but I couldn’t exactly place what it was.

“Oh really? You’re room 402?”

“Uh-huh. Guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, huh?”

That’s almost exactly what Ashley had said at lunch. Funny, I didn’t realize how often people said that phrase. “I guess so.”

“You know, I’ve always been interested in what these other rooms look like. Are they all identical, or is there something different in each of them? Do you mind if I hang out for a bit?” Josh asked, eyeing my hand as I turned the key in its lock. 

I’m not stupid. Something about this didn’t sit well with me. He was probably thinking he could steal something valuable off of me and that I wouldn’t notice since I was still settling in. But even so, it would be rude to say no, and judging by his physical appearance, I was confident I could take him if he tried to start something. Plus, if I was rude to him, I’d be making an enemy out of my next-door neighbor, which would just make life complete hell. 

“Sure, yeah. Make yourself at home. Ignore the overwhelming cigarette smell. It was like that when I got here, I swear.” I twisted the lock and let him in, figuring I could analyze what he does and doesn’t do while he’s visiting.

I wasn’t really expecting him to be doing the same to me. He seemed only half interested in the place, and I could feel him watching me in the corner of his eye. Did he think I had brought him in here to hit him over the head and mug him or something? It felt like we were in a wrestling ring sizing each other up, instead of in my apartment room. 

“No worries, cochise. My place is like that too, sadly.” He smirked. He knew something I didn’t, I could feel it. “Love what you’ve done with the place.”

I laughed and kicked a box. “Sure you do. Hopefully it’ll be a little less gloomy once I’ve been here for a little longer.”

I watched as he peered into a box. “Is that Nine Dead? Man, it’s been ages since I’ve seen that movie! I didn’t figure you for horror movies.”

“I’m only into the psychological kind, honestly. I’ll take Silence of the Lambs over a slasher any day.” I replied.

“We should go over to my place and watch it, then! Unless, you have nothing else you were planning on doing tonight?” He asked, looking me in the eye. 

He didn’t blink much. Or, at all, really. It was a little unnerving how intense he was all of the time. “Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude. Weren’t you headed down the stairs when we met just a bit ago…?”

Honestly, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to go watch a movie with a stranger I had just met literally minutes ago. He could be anyone, really. A hit-man, a druggie, a florist…

“I was just going out to get some air. It’s hard living in an ashtray all the time, you know?” Josh laughed, crossing his arms casually. “Besides. Over at my place, I have an actual couch and popcorn. Are you a beer or whiskey kinda guy?”

There was no arguing with the couch and popcorn, but… “I dunno if I should be drinking tonight. My first day of work is tomorrow, and I gotta make a good first impression.”

“On high schoolers?” Josh chuckled. “If anything, drinking the night before will make you just that much more relatable. It’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll make sure you don’t drink too much.”

“Are you sure? We just met, after all. You don’t need to go out of your way to make me feel better for spilling coffee on me.”

“No? Well… Okay, honestly, I’ve been in a rough patch for the past year. My sisters passed away in a freak skiing accident, and ever since then… It’s been really hard for me to branch out and meet new people.” Josh sighed. “Look, I’m sorry I pressured you. If you need anything, you know where I’ll be.”

He turned to leave and before I could stop myself… “Wait, no. I’m sorry. I do want to hang out and watch movies. I’m new here and I just don’t want you to be hanging out with me out of obligation or anything. But if you’re down for it, then so am I.”

It was mostly true at least. 

He looked back and faced me, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Okay, yeah! Let’s do it then. Oh, but you should probably change your shirt. Wouldn’t want the stains to ruin it, after all.” 

“Right.” I snickered, walking over to my bedroom and finding a T-shirt. I was a little surprised when Josh followed me, but was also kind of glad. In the very back of my head, I still thought he might be here to steal something from me. At least now he was within eyesight.

He wasn’t looking at me directly when I unbuttoned my shirt and slipped on a new one, but I knew he wasn’t as interested as he pretended to be in my bedroom’s scarce decor. After I was dressed I announced, “Alright, lead the way!”

As we headed across the hall to his place, I couldn’t help but wonder what exactly it was that was wrong with Josh. Was it because of his grief over his sisters? I shook my head slightly. I was going about this all wrong. Even if there was something wrong with him, it didn’t immediately make him a bad guy. He was just a little eccentric. Lots of people probably wrote him off like I almost did, and I wasn’t about to do the same. He deserved an honest to God shot at my friendship, so I would give him that and see what he did with it. 

He unlocked his door and let me in, holding out an arm in a cheesy way. “Welcome to my humble abode.”

Oh God. This guy was as bad as I was. Perfect. 

I bowed. “Why thank you, Josh.”

He chuckled as he shut the door behind me with a loud click. I looked around. He had implied he’d been here for a while, but his place was just as ‘lonely bachelor-y’ as mine was, excluding the extra furniture. There was nothing on his walls except for the lone family vacation photo with the letters ‘Washington Resort 1999’ in the corner. Josh was there, 16 years younger, looking completely content and sunny next to two girls who were frozen laughing. They must’ve been the sisters he had mentioned before. 

“Alright, so what’ll it be, Cochise? Whiskey or beer or both?” Josh grins, already holding the two bottles in his hands.

Feeling suddenly chummy, I returned the grin and announced, “Surprise me”, plopping myself onto his sofa. 

Josh left to the kitchen area and yells, “Hey, pop the movie in, would you?”

“Sure thing.” 

I turned on the TV and fumbled with the DVD player for a couple minutes. When I get it fired up, I sit back and watch the movie commercials fly across the screen. Josh has been in the kitchen for a while now. Right when I was thinking of going to check on him, he came out with two glasses and sat beside me.

“Cheers, bro.”

We clink our glasses together before taking large gulps of whatever Josh had thrown together in the kitchen. It was a concoction of the two by the taste of it. That little freak.

“Man, that’s a punch in the face, alright.” I laughed, punching the play button on the remote. “Definitely what I needed after today.”

“Yeah?” Josh replied as the intense music started. “Glad I could be of some assistance, then.” 

It’d been a longer time than I thought since I had a couple drinks. I forgot how nice it was. Deciding it was in my best interests to get drunk after all, I chugged some more of the beer-and-whiskey concoction. 

“Think I could finish this before you?”

“Oh, you’re on, Cochise!”

We chugged our drinks at lot quicker after that, and watched while the nine characters were getting abducted and locked into the room together.

“Wait, wait! Josh, this part’s important!” I exclaimed as he was nearing the bottom o his mug before me.

“You’re just saying that so I won’t win!” He gasped.

“No, really! Really really really! This part’s where you hear the ground rules of the whole movie!” I cried, grabbing on to his clothes insistently. Huh. It really had been a while since I drank, hadn’t it?

He didn’t listen and downed his glass before I did. Fuck. “Hah! In your face!” 

“At least I know what’s going on.” I sulked, letting go of his shirt.

“Oh, don’t be like that.” He laughed.

“Like what, exactly?”

“A sore loooser, that’s what!”

“Fuck you, man.” 

“Finish your cup already! Come on!”

I smirked at him and did what he told me to. We kept drinking after that and when we reached the part of the movie the priest is killed, I threw my arm across his shoulder and yelled in frustration. 

“Fucking damn it, I hate this part!” I drew Josh closer to me. “You know he could’ve changed the whole thing if he’d of juss. Of just. Told them. You know!”

He sighed loudly. “You’re right man. It was for the good of the people. You know, this presents a really good moral issue throughout the story. There’ll always be those fuckwads that agree that he shoulda kept his oath… mouth shut, and those sensible people who say. No.”

I laughed. “You’re so wasted.”

“No, not really. No.” He shook his head with a thoughtful expression. “I would be doing something waay crazier now if I was.”

He had me interested. “What?”

“Nothing you need to know.”

“Aww, c’mon! I won’t judge you!”

“You say that, but you don’t know. You know?”

“No, and that’s the point! Tell me!”

“Hey, you know what? It’s getting kinda late.” Josh changed the subject. We weren’t even paying attention to the movie at this point. “You should spend the night here.”

“What? But I have work tomorrow!”

“Well, you’re not getting anything done after this, that’s for damn sure. And I saw your futon. That shit’s uncomfortable. You should sleep like a king before your first day.”

“A king on a sofa?” I laughed.

“No. You can sleep in my bed. I don’t mind, really. It’s a big enough bed for two.”

Oh.

“Uhh, you sure?” I asked.

“Yeah, bro. Not a problem. It’ll be fine. Here, come with me.” Josh grabbed my wrist and dragged me across the living room to his bedroom. “See? You could have a whole party in here.”

“I guess you’re right.” The bed looked big enough to me.

“Just so you know, though. I move around a lot in my sleep.” Josh smirked, moving behind me and flicking off the lights. He grabbed my wrist again. “Come here.”

He led me over to the bed and gently pushed me down. “Much more comfortable than that old futon, right?”

All that alcohol coursing through my veins was making my head spin. “Ye-ah. You’re right.”

“I know I am.” He pulled up the comforter and got in underneath the blankets. “It’s so much nicer with you here. I don’t like falling asleep alone.”

I couldn’t blame him. In fact, I was having a hard time recalling why someone like him was alone to begin with. “It’s okay, man. I’m here now.”

“I know.” He whispered. “Hey, look at me.”

I did. He seemed. Well. I couldn’t really decipher how he seemed anymore. “What?”

He smirked and let out a bizarrely cute little giggle before leaning in and kissing me straight on the lips. I would’ve been pretty surprised if I was sober, but since I wasn’t, it made perfect sense to me to kiss back. 

He let out a small sigh as I kissed him back, running my hand through his hair. He sort of stumbled on top of me and straddled my waist. ‘What was I even doing?!’ the back of my mind cried, but right now I was completely absorbed in what was happening. I grinned into the kiss and moved my other hand to Josh’s waist. He gasped as I reached up for the hem of his shirt and started pulling it over his chest. He moved back a little to let me slip it over and off of his head. Perfect. I sat up to take off my shirt too.

“You know. You have a lot more muscle than I originally thought you did.” Josh whispered. Even in my drunken state, I wasn’t so sure I was going to take my pants off yet. I was leaning towards a no, but a large part of me really did want to.

“Thanks.” I snickered. It seemed like Josh was planning on taking off his pants regardless of whether or not I was going to. He tore them off but decided to leave on his boxers. 

“Do you mind if I…?” He was inching towards my jeans. That was all I really needed to make a decision, so I gave him a firm nod. What the hell. I’m an adult, after all. Why not experiment in the fullest?

He smiled and reached a hand down to unzip my pants. As he was unzipping them, he pressed his mouth against mine and I could feel him slip me some tongue. We both got pretty distracted in that and soon forgot that my pants were half unzipped. I snaked my hands through his hair again- he really did have fucking fantastic hair- and he curled his hands up my back. I bit his lip and he let out a wordless groan; we fell back down onto the bed and kind of mutually decided to lay back and relax. 

Every so often, Josh would kiss me again, but for the most part we were just tangled into each other’s arms in a drunken haze. But finally, at one point when Josh was on top of me while our tongues were colliding, he pulled away and just curled up on my chest. A moment later, I heard him breathing deeply. I sighed, shifting his weight until I was comfortable. I looked over at the clock. 3:24 AM. That fucker left me with an erection at three in the morning the night before school starts. This was not what I was signing up for when he said “Movies and a few drinks”. 

It took a while before I felt myself drifting off into sleep too. When I finally did, I dreamt that I was walking down the streets of Manhattan and that someone- or something was following me. Watching me. But every time I turned to face whatever it was, it would disappear. A moving shadow I could never quite pinpoint. It was always there; just far enough out of my vision for me to not quite make it out. But it was there, alright.

A loud noise jarred me awake. I looked over at the noise in irritation. I was so close to finding whatever it was that had been following me since I got here! The ruckus was being caused by Josh’s alarm clock, which loudly proclaimed that it was 6:00. OH SHIT!

I smacked the top of the clock, shook a sleeping Josh awake and cried, “I’M GOING TO BE LATE!!”

Disoriented from being thrown off my chest, he groaned, “No you’re not. I’ll take you in my car. Go change your clothes and get ready, mmkay?”

“Thanks man!” I didn’t have time to think how awkward or not awkward things were between us or what last night even meant. I tossed myself out of bed and ran for the door, shoving my hand down my pockets to find my keys. Thank God I didn’t usually have headaches included with my hangovers. Nope. Only mild nausea and a vague sense of what was happening. Today would be damn near impossible if I had to take an advil every four hours.

When I reached my room, I ripped off my shirt and put on the first thing I could find. It seemed like my pants were already half off, thanks to Josh last night. I tore them off and located a pair of jeans that didn’t make me look like total trash. I freshened up as quickly as I could and leaped out just before Josh got the chance to pound down my door.

“You ready, Cochise?” He tiredly grinned at me, his hands shoved in his pockets.

“Yes, God. Let’s go already!” I cried, running to the elevator. 

This was going to be a really long day.


	2. Into the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another big thank you to originalandcreativeurl on Tumblr! Check her out! (I'm sittinginsolemnsilence on there and ToSitInSolemnSilence on FanFiction, which is where I usually post all of my works first) Let me know if you're enjoying the story so far! This chapter's given me a little bit of anxiety posting, because I'm trying a completely new writing style for Josh's chapters. Hopefully it flows in a broken, rushed way? xS Please let me know if you find it effective or not!

[Josh’s POV]

Faces are so important. You can’t conjure up new ones in your dreams. Your mind’s eye is clever, but not clever enough to do that. Every background character, every ‘stranger’ is someone you’ve seen walking around before and chose to forget about. You can pretend and sketch out faces you’ve supposedly never met before, but that upturned nose was sitting on a seat in the bus and that jawline cut your car off in traffic. Faces are the most basic footprint we leave behind on everyone we meet, whether we choose to leave that footprint or not. No one can erase your face from their mind, not truly. Faces are what remind you every day that you aren’t alone out there, even if a small part of you wishes you were.

And maybe that’s why Chris’ face has been haunting me so much lately. Maybe he just has ‘one of those faces’. What even are ‘one of those faces’? What are they compiled of? Which exact code in your DNA determines whether or not you’ll end up with ‘one of those faces’?

It didn’t matter. The point was, I couldn’t get his face out of my mind and there must have been some sort of reason for that. Maybe it’s just my crippling loneliness clouding my judgement, but there just had to be a reason for why he was here now.

I was following him. I knew it was kind of creepy, but I couldn’t help it. I was in between jobs and had nothing else better to do, really. Why not try to get a better understanding of my new friend? Or whatever he was. I drove him to the place he works this morning after all, so it was relatively easy. He had these really long windows in his classroom. It was simple parking a ways down the street and peering at him through the binoculars hidden in my glove compartment. At first, I was worried about him. He was pacing really quickly up and down the rows looking kind of frustrated for the first class or so. But he seemed to calm down as the day wore on. It even looked like he was joking around with the students. And even though he was laughing, for some reason I didn’t feel as happy for him as I thought I would.

About midday, my legs were starting to cramp up. Chris was on his lunch break in the teacher’s lounge, so I decided to step out and stretch for a bit and see if I could get a better view from outside. I couldn’t really see into the lounge at this vantage point; the sun was glaring on the glass from its perch high in the sky and was making life difficult. I rustled through a couple of bushes and underneath the long unripe branches of a weeping willow from across the street. They splayed across my neck and shoulders as I crouched down to get a better position. Like cooked spaghetti, I thought with a little smirk.

I peered through my binoculars and spotted Chris’s figure through the blinds. He was brewing some coffee, by the looks of it. There were three other people in the room with him. I couldn’t see through the blinds very well, but they all seemed to have feminine figures. He was talking animatedly with one- I saw a flash of her red hair. What were they talking about? Work? Or maybe something else?

The curiosity was killing me. If only I was able to hear what they were talking about. I considered moving across the street to crouch right below the window, but if someone saw me that would be pretty awkward. Plus, the windows weren’t even open. I let out a hiss of irritation and slouched back against the base of the willow. How frustrating. 

Chris stayed in the lounge for a while longer before waving to the others and walking out. I followed him back to his room and snuck back into my car through the passenger’s side. They really didn’t have that many guards patrolling on campus. It was kind of alarming and relieving at the same time. I didn’t want Chris to get into the middle of a school shooting after all. That would cut all of my plans short. 

Finally, Chris dismissed his last class of the day as the final school bell rang. He lingered in his office instead of coming right out, looking around to take in the atmosphere. I wanted to ‘show up’ to pick him up and drive him back, but before I could think of all that, I was enthralled by his unreadable expression. Did he feel satisfied after his first day, or a little overwhelmed? It was hard to tell. I wasn’t very good with people anyway, and even though I could see his face pretty clearly with my binoculars it was damn near impossible to comprehend it. Such a shame too. I wanted to understand everything there is to know about Chris. Every little habit. What makes him tick. He was fascinating to me.

It’s not like I had anything better to do, anyway. I was just a curious guy. It was hard for me to find something to put my energy into; honestly, the only other really ambitious thing I even attempted to do was keep up with my potted plants.

But I knew as soon as I met Chris that he would become a sort of poison for me. I knew it from the moment we were walking* to his room. From then on, I had honed in on him. Fixated. I liked thinking of it that way. I fixated on him. Saying it like that seemed almost appreciative in a sort of powerful way. Yes. That was exactly it.

I was so engulfed in my thoughts, I didn’t notice when Chris slipped out of the building. I looked around wildly, panicked that he escaped my sight. What if he saw me across the street? How would I begin to explain that?? Fuck. Fuck. This could be really really bad.

I stood still as the double doors opened. Chris was walking out with… someone. Someone with red hair. They were laughing and I watched as they crossed the street and started walking down the corner. Shit. I had to follow them. 

My palms were a little sweaty when suddenly, I felt a rush of cool-headedness overwhelm me. In the pit of my stomach, I knew. I knew how to get around this. I started up my car and smoothly rolled out onto the street. I had this in the bag. I drove slowly since school just let out, but instead of feeling annoyed I felt that it fit my mood perfectly. The engine rumbled as I turned down the street Chris and Redhead went. 

They were pretty easy to spot. Ignoring the upset drivers surrounding me, I pulled over and stopped right next to the pair. They noticed me and stopped in surprise. I rolled down my window.

“Need a ride?”

A spark of recognition passed over Chris’ face and he laughed. “Yeah, sure! Do you mind if Ashley comes with us?”

Ashley, huh. Ashley. Okay.

“No problem. Where were you guys headed to anyway?”

Calm down, Josh. It’s okay. It’s fine. She’s nobody.

“Ash was just telling me about this coffeehouse our coworkers like to head over to sometimes on our lunch break. I asked her if she’d show me where it was.”

They got into my car. I was pleased that Chris took shotgun but disturbed by what he was saying. “Oh really? I don’t remember a coffee house down this street.”

“It’s a few over.” Ashley spoke. Or ‘Ash’ as Chris called her. I wasn’t planning on using a cutesy-ass nickname with her any time soon.

“Just tell me when to turn, then.”

“So, were you in the neighborhood to pick me up or something?” Chris asked with a quick grin. “You didn’t have to do that, I could’ve gotten a taxi.”

“On your first day? No way, Cochise! No happening on my watch.” I laughed. 

“I didn’t know you already made friends here, Chris. You move fast.” Ashley spoke up with a soft, polite, awful chuckle. 

“We live on the same floor. I ran into him the other day and we just kinda hit it off.” Chris explained.

I snickered. “That’s putting it lightly.” 

An awkward pause. 

“Running into me, I mean. More like literally crashing into me like a moron.” 

Chris let out a laugh. That was close. “As I recall, you were the one that ran into me. Nearly sent me sprawling down the stairs!” He thought for a moment. “Actually, I still need to get those coffee stains out of my shirt. I can’t believe I forgot about it yesterday!”

“Oh really? I can.” I couldn’t resist throwing in a quip. Chris’ face turned a little pink. “Now where is this coffee place?”

“Right down the street there. Make a left, and go down to the end a ways.” Ashley informed me. She seemed pretty quiet now. Good.

“So Chris, tell me all about your day! Were the kids awful? Did they try to steal anything valuable or smash your hard drives?” I asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Haha, no! Nothing like that, thank God. My first class was a little rough, but after a laid down the rules they calmed down.”

“The first week is always the hardest.” Ashley cut in. “They’re always pretty unruly. Oh- there!”

She pointed at a little brick building. It looked awfully cozy. She was so transparent. “And aaall the teachers come here, huh? It must be an academic orgy in this place.”

Ashley seemed put off by my comment but tried not to show it. And on the contrary, Chris let out a pleasant bellow of laughter. I liked when he laughed from his gut like that. Gut laughs were genuine. 

“We’ll just have to see, bro.”

Ash might have an abbreviated nickname, but I was already his bro. Suck on that, Ash. 

The door opened with a little cling of a bell. I was right about it looking cozy; it was. This was a place you’d go to ‘meet a really cute guy’ and get stupid feelings for. I despised it with ferocity. Chris and I exchanged a look. This wasn’t our scene and we both knew it. But Ashley didn’t.

“I’ll go get us a table.” I announced, figuring this would be a good opportunity to pick at Chris’ brain a little. 

“I’ll come with you.” Chris said, whipping out his wallet and grabbing a five dollar bill. “Here Ash. Could you get me a caramel latte?”

Ashley was definitely not as pleased as her smile suggested. “Sure thing. Josh? Do you want anything?” 

Not from you I didn’t.

“Surprise me.”

She stalked off to the counter and Chris and I scoped out a spot in the corner, as far away as possible from the others here. 

“So,” I began. “You thinking of banging her or something?”

Chris was taken aback. Good. I had the upper hand.

“What? No! Not really. She just wanted to go get coffee, so I figured it be a good way for me to get out and get used to this place.”

Alright, I could accept that story. But I knew better than to accept that that was Ashley’s story too. She wanted him. It was obvious as fucking night and day.

“Dude, she totally wants to bang you. How can you not tell?” 

“I-I don’t know, man. Maybe she just wants to hang out.”

“Hold on. Do you want to bang her?” I asked, fearing the answer. No. I had to soften the blow. “Bro, you need to get laid. Seriously. It’ll clear your head.”

“What? I don’t know if I want to.” Chris seemed pretty conflicted. I still had the most leverage on this conversation. 

“Sure you do! What guy doesn’t want to?!” I cried, smacking him on the shoulder. 

“Well… Well what about you then? Do you just go out and try to sleep with every girl you meet?” 

I could see what Chris was trying to do here. He wanted to figure out where I was on the spectrum. 

“It’s have to be quite the girl.” I snickered. Quite the girl. With a dick.

“Well, see? That’s exactly it.” Chris justified, sitting back in his chair. 

Alright. This was going nowhere fast. 

“Do you even want to bang a girl? Or maybe-”

“Hey!” Ashley called out, wobbling with three drinks. One was crushed to her chest. “I’m not exactly the most coordinated person on the planet. Would one of you get over here and grab one of these?”

What horrible timing. This woman better start praying at night.

I raised my eyebrow at Chris. He quietly sighed and stood up, going over to help her. When everyone was seated at the table, Ashley remarked, “Why are you guys sitting all the way over here to begin with?”

“Just getting a little bro time.” I grinned at her and gave Chris my best mock seductive look, earning a few laughs from the peanut gallery.

We sat in relative silence for a while. I took a sip from my drink and gave a miniscule grimace. What the fuck was this monstrosity? The top of the cup said it was ‘Snkrddl’. Well. Nice to know Ashley thinks so little of me. I met her gaze. 

“So, Chris.” She spoke up. “There’s a tradition that all the coworkers do every Friday of first weekend of the school year. Did Mike tell you about it?”

“He mentioned something about it when I passed him in the hall, but no. Not really.” He admitted. 

“Well, every year we meet up at the bar on the end of third and all go drinking. It’s really fun and it’s one of those weird ‘morale boosters’ Mike’s thought up. You should go.”

“Maybe I will.” Chris said, reaching for his drink. “Would it be weird if I brought Josh too?” 

Oh!

“A little, maybe.” Ashley looked off. “I mean, Mike should probably know…”

“I’ll talk to him about it then.” Chris said.

“Well, I hope Mike doesn’t feel too pressured or something.”

“Why would he?” Chris looked confused. “He doesn’t seem like the kinda guy that’d have a problem with me bringing someone.”

Ashley looked cornered. “Yeah, I guess. Yeah, no. You’re right. I’ll look forward to seeing the both of you then.” She stood up. “I gotta go. I have some stuff I need to plan out for my class.”

It was almost four. 

“Oh! Alright, well. It was nice hanging out with you Ash.” Chris gave her a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I grinned at her from ear to ear. “It was nice meeting you, Ashley. It’s good to know Chris has such friendly coworkers! Look out for him for me.”

Her smile was brittle. “I will.”

After she left, Chris and I fell into a strange silence. A minute or so passed before Chris looked at my drink and chuckled.

“What did she get you?”

“Snickerdoodle. Is it safe to assume she doesn’t like me very much?” 

“Well, you did kind of swoop out of nowhere and crush her hopes.”

“I told you it was obvious.”

“Yeah, well.”

We both silently came to the conclusion that it was time to get out of here. We tossed our drinks in the garbage with passion and headed out. I started up the car and Chris spoke again, this time much quieter than before.

“... I don’t.”

“You don’t what?”

I knew what.

“I don’t. Like them, I mean. At least, I really don’t think so. You know. What you were asking before.”

“Oh, well. Good for you.” I laughed, feeling like I had just won the lottery.

“So you can stop freaking out over Ashley, you know.”

“I wasn’t freaking out. I was just… looking out for you.” I winked. “Although, you should probably tell her before she and I both start hating each other too much. That shit’s not healthy.”

Chris gave me a sidelong glance as I stopped at a red light. “Well, what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you, you know?”

“What are you referring to, exactly?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know.”

I let out an exaggerated huff. “If you can’t even directly ask, I’m not going to tell you.”

A couple moments passed.

“A-Are you gay?” Chris muttered, looking down at his lap.

He was really something, alright.

“I might be.” I laughed at his expression.

“Seriously, man? You’re gonna be like that?”

“Hey. I’m just.. just ‘Joshing’ you.” I said dismissively. “Honestly, this weekend sounds like the setup to a bad joke. ‘Two gay guys walk into a bar…’ You know?” 

I turned and pulled up to our apartment. Our apartment. I liked the sound of that. Suddenly I began to feel lightheaded.

Fuck. I had been out for a while. 

I got into the elevator with Chris and spoke. “Hey, I gotta do a couple things at my place first, but I was thinking I’d show you around the apartment later today.”

“You mean there’s more to this place then just our two rooms? I’m shocked.” Chris joked.

“Yeah, bro. The community’s really inviting. I mean, not that I’m really into hanging out in ‘feel-goody’ places very often, but there are some things you should check out.”

He grinned. “Alright. Will you be ready in like twenty minutes? I want to get out of this stuffy outfit anyway. Maybe you could show me where the laundromat is in this place too.”

“Sure thing.”

My head was spinning. 

The elevator door opened and Chris and I parted ways at our separate doors. I practically stumbled into my room and ripped off my shirt. It was getting too hot in here. I clamored around before reaching my nightstand. I ripped open the drawer and grabbed my bottle of antidepressants. I took two before allowing myself to fall down onto my bed.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew that doubling my prescribed dosage was dangerous, but lately they haven’t been cutting it. The numbness has been losing its edge. Sometimes I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t, and lately I didn’t want to know anymore. It was all the same.

My hands were shaking. I needed some water. I pried myself out of bed and trudged down the hall to my sink. I stuck my head under it and just let the water rush over me. This was better, wasn’t it? I took a glass in my hand and held it under the steady stream. And then I drank it. 

Initially, it felt like a good idea, but now my stomach just flipped and felt nauseous. Maybe I shouldn’t have drank last night. No. No no. Last night was important. It played out how I wanted it to. Mostly. We didn’t have sex, but. There was always tonight. And the night after. 

Maybe I should eat something. I think there were still some Spaghettios. in the cabinet. I stared at the chips in the paint on the little wooden door. They were beautiful. Unique. Exotic, even. Especially since I was the only one who would feel that way about them. 

Goddamn it, I’m staring at chipped paint. 

“God, fucking…” I grumbled as I tore open the door. I grabbed the can of Spaghettios in irritation.

A little while later, I sat on my beaten couch eating a piping hot bowl. I was trying not to talk to myself. 

“That’s not what you need right now.” I reasoned in harsh whispers. “Chris will be here soon, and you don’t want to act like a total nutcase.”

Satisfied, I sat back and flicked through TV channels. A couple minutes later, Chris knocked on my door. I got up, Spaghettios in hand, and unlocked the door.

“Hey bro. Oh… Did you take a shower or something?” Chris looked at me with his stained shirt in the crook of his arm. I forgot about the droplets of water trailing down my back and shoulders. In fact, I forgot why I wasn’t wearing a shirt to begin with.

“Yeah, something like that.” I laughed, opening the door for him. “I’ll go put on a shirt before we head out.”

“Take your time.” Chris grinned. We sat down on my couch. Our glasses from the night before were still on my table. 

The news channel was currently playing. The reporter was on third street, trying to talk over the loud crowd.

“Hey, we were just there!” Chris said, staring at the screen.

“Mmmhm.” I said over my Spaghettios. 

“...News that the victims were only twelve years old. A suspected gunman was arrested about an hour ago for the deaths of Eliza White and Shannon Newburn.”

“Holy fuck, that happened right after we left!” He looked stunned. “I can’t believe it…”

I stayed silent. Honestly, I wasn’t really bothered by how close the things in the news were. If it didn’t directly effect me, I didn’t really pay it much mind. If we worried over every little tragedy that happened, then we’d never feel at peace. One tragedy was enough for me, thank you. 

But I knew my opinion wouldn’t go over well with Chris. He seems like such a sensitive guy. He wouldn’t understand my apathy.

“That’s awful.” I replied gravely. I even grimaced a little. 

“Maybe we should watch something else.”

“Nah, I’m done anyway. Let me go put on a shirt and I’ll be ready to go.”

I put my bowl on the table and threw on one of my wrinkled plaid shirts. I didn’t have a job, so it didn’t matter how ironed my clothes were or weren’t anyway. Maybe Chris’ll appreciate that I’m not trying to impress him.

I checked my hair in the mirror.

I locked my door behind us as we headed out. “Come on, let me show you the garden area.”

I pressed the top floor of the elevator and we waited as it reached the top. I stepped out into the fresh air and breathed a sigh of relief. I loved it up here. I went up here all the time just to clear my head. It was low enough to the ground so that the plants wouldn’t be torn up by the wind, but high enough to where if you jumped off of the edge, you would die. Believe me. I’ve thought about it a lot.

It wasn’t very glamorous. There was an assortment of planters and pots that people living in the apartment could grow things in, some seating area, and that was it. The planters were deep enough for bigger things to be planted. Not many people in the community actually used them though. Mostly just me and some of the older folks. 

I walked down the rows of planters with Chris. “Do you wanna know something?”

“What?” 

“I planted all of these. Except for the ones over there.” I pointed.

He snickered. “I didn’t figure you for a gardener.”

“I’m not really. I just like it up here. And it’s nice seeing Ms. Tabitha’s face when my plants are doing better than hers.” I added, laughing. But I wasn’t joking. I loved making that hag seeth. “Everyone knows I grow the best cherry tomatoes.”

“What a complex person you’ve turned out to be.” Chris rolled his eyes. “Getting all riled up over my coworkers. Making old ladies cry over tomatoes. When will the surprises end?”

“Only when you want them to, really.”

“That’s going to be a long time, then.”

I suddenly felt overwhelmed. Chris was maybe attempting to be suggestive with me. It was hard to tell. I was stupidly excited over it, but at the same time it frightened me a little. I needed a drink.

“Tell you what. Let’s go take care of your shirt first and then I can rant however long you want me to about myself until we both get sick of it.”

I took him down to the laundromat, which was pretty void of people as well and appeared much more dismal than the rooftop. The paint was peeling and turning from a pallid white to a dull grey.Washing machines were lined up as if they were on death’s row. And the cement flooring had some pretty questionable stains on it. And even though it seemed rather creepy, I really enjoyed it down here. There was a book return system over to one side, where you basically put one of your books on the rack and took out a new one. It smelled like mothballs and detergent, and on more than one occasion I would come down here and sit on a machine with a book. The creepiness of this place kept everyone else out and provided me an isolated sanctuary.

Chris didn’t seem to like it down here nearly as much as I did. We made small talk while he washed his shirt and he suggested that we head back to my place as soon as we could. I couldn’t imagine arguing with that.


End file.
